Pre-Resolutions

Well, I nearly let my Tuesday deadline slip.  I could blame the holidays, or a heavier-than-normal work schedule, or a sick child – all of which are actual contributing factors, by the way – but the bottom line is that I have to honor my commitment to myself (and to my limited but valued readership!).  So it’s gonna be a short post this week, but at least there IS a post!

I’ve also had a dearth of good blog ideas and no time to cull my journals for the seeds of something interesting.  There are a couple of semi-serious and/or controversial topics I’ve been kicking around, and there’s one large-scale project I’ve been envisioning although I’ll need to improve my technological skills before I can present that one to the masses.  But nothing was crying out to be written this week.

In fact, I find myself in end-of-year times to be perhaps as wiped clean of deep (or even coherent) thoughts as I ever am on an annual cycle.  I often blame the weather, the dark and cold that comes especially after the clocks are turned back, although this December has been the warmest on record (although it continues to be dark).  It could just be that I’m tired.

I’ve already confessed to my holiday Grinchiness (see “Feelin’ Scroogy”, 12/2/15) but my Xmas gifts are (mostly) bought, despite a trickle of a cash flow, and, at the request of my daughter, I’ve agreed to attend an annual extended family party that I’ve managed to avoid for a few years.  I’m essentially being forced into Xmas good cheer, so I intend to make the best of it.

Perhaps it’s the quiet chrysalis period preceding a fresh new beginning, a clean calendar January 1 and beyond, with an entire year ahead of me to do the things I’ve been promising myself to do – start exercising, stop drinking diet soda, eat in a more healthy way – so that whatever physical health and attractiveness I’m able to muster will hopefully emerge butterfly-like sometime in the spring.  (An aside:  I’ve given myself carte blanche to stuff my face with whatever I please from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day this year.  I also feel like a pimply stuffed sausage, which might be contributing to my malaise and blankness.)

I’m also optimistic that 2016 will be the year I discover my true calling, my authentic self, although I say the same thing at the end of every year (and I have decades of December 31 journal entries to prove it).  I suspect that it’s an organic process and I just have to put myself in the “right” situations (whatever “right” might be).  Maybe I need to take more chances in life, get out and talk to people, write more than just my blog posts.

All I know for sure is, I no longer want to wallow in a day-to-day existence waiting for my “true” life to begin.  I want it to ACTUALLY BEGIN.  And January 2, 2016 is as good a time as any.

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